one can never rock enough.

resistance is futile

2008-03-05T23:35:00.002+08:00

Panic attack! 2 more months to go before the exams and I'm still so far behind. I wonder why some people actually enjoying studying. This is my 16th year of formal education and studying has become a freakin' chore. Gotta hang in there for a year more before I say hello to the corporate life.

2008 has been really good so far. More wealth in my pockets, a spanking new awesome phone (N82) and my driving license, finally! But the most important of all... My other half. What would I do without him?! He's almost perfect! We both have some areas to work on aye... No pun intended.

The terrorist situation really baffles me. Maybe it's because I place quite a lot of faith in the police and their ability to keep our streets so secure and safe. Have we been taking life too lightly? Is life too easy here in Singapore? With those enormous amounts of stress? I hardly think so. But the truth is that not everyone leads a hectic life here... I know a few citizens who aren't. In fact, they're enjoying their butts off so much that I can't help but feel a slight pang of jealously (I'm not that envious coz' I myself am a lazy bummer). I don't want to have to slog for the rest of my life, and I'm certainly going to make sure that I won't have to. What really matters in the end is how strong this desire will become. I'm hopeful that my future working life will encourage it further. I ain't gonna be a corporate slave! I'm praying all the time for my business to take off.

Bleach Intoxication

2007-12-19T21:59:00.000+08:00

My parents just came back from Hokkaido about 2 hours ago! It's been a Japan week for us... The children that is. We've been (well actually more like my sisters have been) preoccupied with something that's uniquely Japanese... In fact I think it's one of their more healthy creations... ANIME! Specifically, the widely popular series, Bleach. It's infectious... Calling people "teh meh" instead of bastard/idiot/asshole...

One more important news before I sign off... We've just relaunched www.seekz-stompers.com! Please visit and spread the word around. Thank you!

Oh yeah, a couple more days and I'll be flying off to Langkawi and coming back on Christmas.

Happy Holidays :)

yama-jii

2007-12-09T00:33:00.001+08:00

My grandma turned 80 today. I just came back from a 3 hour long dinner/birthday celebration. What I imagined would be a "one of those usual boring family" dinners turned out to be quite a blast this time round! It was surprising but fun seeing my relatives sing their hearts out and making a fool of themselves. Even my dad and mom joined in! That was a sight to behold. But the embarrassment was worth it coz' it was one of the few times my granny laughed so hard, she was close to tears. I'd give anything just to have a family reunion like that at age 80.

Happy Birthday Mama. I hope you'll get to hold your great grand kids soon.

transformations and revelations

2007-12-08T03:34:00.000+08:00

I'm amazed at myself. For someone who enters a post every few months to actually sit down and update the blogskin... Well, ain't that amazing. I find my actions rather ironic, that is when I do notice that they are. Anyways, I decided to go with this skin coz' it's simple and I like rock music.

Moving on... It's freaking 23 days left to the new year. And what have you done for the past 342 days? That is something that always comes to mind when the year is coming to a close. It may be an occasion of despair, regret or nonchalantness for the rest, but a joyous one it is for me! Aside from my lousy grades at school and my detached state of mind towards my current education, 2007 has been a awesome year for me! I've really grown, in maturity and mindset. An open mind is the stepping stone to a world of success. Everyone has a unique greatness in them, the only question is not how you're going to achieve it but rather, how much you want it. If your reason ain't big or strong enough, then this reason ain't gonna get you nowhere honey.

Man, I'm such a junkie for TV. I'm presently on a Bleach marathon. I'm not a fan of anime, but this is pretty good shit. Soul Society almost sounds nothing like Heaven though.

Aye folks, gonna deviate a bit here to give a little insight into my business.

I'm in the midst of upgrading my site. It should be ready in less than a week, woohoo! I'm actually pretty glad that we're getting rid of the current website coz' it's not exactly great on navigation and "artistic" value. I'll post again when the new site goes live. Please show support for local stuff!

Another great piece of news; our first production distortion pedal will be available in stores by early 2008! It's called STACKED, and for those interested, please visit my website for more info at a later date.

Damn, it's 334am and I've got tuition to give at 9am. Another late night = Eye bags. Ciao.

the truth revealed.

2007-09-04T22:39:00.000+08:00

i've been MIA for months.. not that anyone cares coz' no one reads this damn blog anyway.. BUT i must update nonetheless.

for starters, my exam results are out and although i was half expecting a pass for the subjects i attempted, it was really was a shocker to find out i failed two crucial ones.. not to mention how bloody close i was to passing one of them. damn! thankfully i got my wake up call the very week i had my exams so at least i'm not as disheartened as i ought to be presently. well.. an additional year at school isn't that bad a thing afterall. firstly, i get to spend one more year of freedom with my other half. secondly, i get to meet new people and possibly make new friends! i guess the only sad thing is having to say goodbye to my current friends graduating next semester.

so, i'm done with the bad news. on to the good one! SeekZ and I recently launched our website, SeekZ Stompers. If you are a musician or have musician friends, do help us spread the word around.

you know, i just realized that even though i have the burden of my studies looming over my head, i still feel fine because for the first time in a long time, i have achievable aims and things to look forward to.. a driving license.. a prospering business.. and someone i'm gonna spend the rest of my life with. :)

mid year crisis.

2007-06-12T18:08:00.000+08:00

I realized that the more you keep track of what you do, the slower time seem to pass by. This realization came to me when I found myself thinking one bloody year has gone by faster than I can think of all the things that happened during that one year. And unfortunately for me, it's one year wasted because I didn't achieve what I set out to do. Well on the brighter side, it means I have to spend another year trying to have as much fun as possible at school!

It's the holiday season at the moment and not surprisingly, I just came back from China. Beijing.. Szechuan.. And most recently, Yunnan. It was my third time in the land of (opps) communism and much to my delight, the sanitary condition (i.e. the public toilets) has improved greatly since I visited China in 2004. I strongly encourage you all to visit China at least once because it's really quite an experience. :)

But now that I'm back in Singapore, it's back to business straightaway. Work, work and more work. SeekZ and I are working on a business idea currently; custom made effects pedals. I'm still working on the website but we're getting quite a few orders already! At least we won't have to slog from 9 to 5 aye.

Before I go, I shall make a wish list.

1) Fully utilize 3 months worth of free time
2) Learn the bass and jam with SeekZ
3) Earn lots of moolah
4) Get in shape (about time)
5) Buy a decent handphone
6) Buy an ipod video
7) Plan a surprise for SeekZ

"the end of march" post.

2007-03-31T23:57:00.000+08:00

today was one of the few times i took the bus home after an outing. as i was walking home, i started thinking about all the events that took place in the past 2 months. when i got home, i went straight into the shower and ahoy, i was still thinking about past events. the time is ripe for a post my friends.

i'll start with the bad news. seekZ and i had another (somewhat) meaningless argument just hours ago. although our relationship is probably the most smooth-sailing one i've had, i guess it's just impossible to avoid disagreements no matter how trivial they may be. i like to think that the both of us get along so well because our personalities compliment one another. unfortunately, the stubborn ox has too much pride to stoop to the level of a good-natured but intelligent pig. these two animals look mismatched on the surface but if truth be told, we're pretty tight. sweetie, i know it's a difficult time for you right now. i can't promise you success 100% of the time, but i will deliver the very best that i can give. don't stress yourself out unnecessarily, just do what you can.

now, onto the good news. one and a half more months of agonizing non-stop mugging and exams to the PARTIES! surviving the one and a half months is the bad part.

3 minutes to april's fool. do your worst.

6th day of CNY

2007-02-23T00:46:00.000+08:00

about time aye? a message from a stranger on friendster prompted me to finally update my almost non- existent blog.

will someone please invent a real time machine already? time is just flying by too damn quickly and it zooms past even faster whenever i tell myself that i'll do the right thing (i.e. studying) tomorrow. not to mention the occasional hiccups that totally screw up the plan. we slog so hard so that we can enjoy life when we're older. and our parents keep telling us to work hard when we're young and not waste precious time away by 'having fun'.. i'd really like to say "fuck it" to the old fashioned advice but i guess it still holds a considerable amount of value. thank goodness seekZ came across the electronic version of Cashflow 101 and it got us both thinking.. we need to start working smart right now.. not just when we start working full time but now when we're still studying. a married life = $$$$$$$$$$.. you get the idea.

i feel very sorry for my guy. sometimes i put him in a very difficult position.. especially when he knows he should use his "veto power" but won't do so because he'll feel bad when he does. well.. don't feel bad coz' you're selfless darlin'. and you're the best thing that happened to me so have a little patience.. i'll get it right someday.

the 11th month.

2006-11-12T22:42:00.000+08:00

october's long gone and we're almost halfway through november. the year's ending and i've yet to attain self fulfillment! at least i've got a framework laid out.. the only thing is following the plan. i guess that would be the hardest part to do.. following the plan.

the new lifestyle regime starts tomorrow! my only source of comfort is knowing that my baby's walking this journey with me.

i've gotten to know seekZ's family better over the past months and i can truly say i'm glad that we're getting along well. maybe in time to come we won't have to wait for 5 years aye? let's aim for 3.

before i end off.. i'd just like to say.. no more f&b shite for me! retail is harder than i expected but i'm trying my best.. really am. i'm fortunate to be able to work along side with seekZ's mom and sis.. who are really encouraging. :)

no wait.. this nearly slipped my mind.. I GOT INTO THE TALENTIME FINALS! ha ha ha.

arghh.. school tomorrow. got.. to.. go.....

from the east to the west.

2006-09-26T11:59:00.000+08:00

it's a tuesday! i haven't blogged on tuesdays in awhile. so, here i am typing away at one of the golden arches in Singapore waiting for the arrival of my fatman.

two weeks ago, i had to take care of my little misadventure and two weeks later, i'm finally free from the anxiety that has been bugging me ever since. that tiny incident cost me more than just my dough, it robbed me of this funny thing called hope. i was afraid to try again.. i was afraid of a relapse. but today, hope has been renewed and i'm whole again. none of this would have been possible without seekZ (you know what i truly mean, haha) and you complete my life sugar.

"it's not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving but i'll tell you one thing it's always better when we're together" - better together, jack johnson

let's have banana pancakes!

best vocalist.

2006-09-11T01:36:00.000+08:00

it's been a crazy week.. both "good-crazy" and "bad-crazy". i was faced with news of tragic nature recently. something i'd never thought would ever happen to me, happened to me. dealing with nasty stuff is always well, nasty at first. but a solution was formulated and i'm carrying it out presently. just don't ever put me through this again.. in fact, don't put yourself through this again coz' it's one of those things in life that you'd rather not go through just to learn your lesson.

on a more positive note, frontman of Skyjuice Scott won Best Vocalist @ Battle of the Bands finals! ha, it's funny calling him scott coz' we all know him by seekZ. someone's getting well-deserved recognition finally. i couldn't be more proud and happy for my baby. to the rest of the band, you all (and i really mean all) worked very hard and i'm glad to have met such talented and nice folks like ya. all the best for your future endeavors. keep rockin' mates.

i've got class (first class of a new semester!) in about 7 and a half hours. got to get some beauty sleep.. ciao.

wake me up when sept.. starts.

2006-08-28T00:54:00.000+08:00

it's nearly the end of my 3 month holiday and there are two things on my list just waiting to happen. the first being the release of my exam results, the second would be the starting of year two at school. i've had the holidays to forget about finally getting my results back and in a few days time, forgetting about getting them back isn't going to work anymore. i hope i did fine.. hell, i want to do fine. thankfully the reopening of a new semester is an event worth looking forward to. fresh blood to feast upon.. chillout time with old buds.. and who can forget lectures at 9 in the morning? i can only hope that my new teachers won't put me to sleep.

but hey, at least i got some good news today. Skyjuice will be performing at the finals of Battle of the Bands on 10th September, Downtown East. and i start school officially on the 11th. haha. come down and support local music! (didn't i mention this before already?)

battle of the bands.

2006-08-06T01:42:00.000+08:00

Skyjuice

i finally went for a gig! well, not really a gig but at least i got to enjoy good (and not so good unfortunately) music this weekend. yeah, battle of the bands quarter finals @ planet paradigm. i was kinda disappointed with the crowd but it wasn't unexpected since it was only the quarters. it was the first time i watched Skyjuice perform and they certainly rocked the house down (i'm honestly not being biased here). even the supporters of the other contestants loved them. heh. and i'm really happy that you guys got through to the semi finals! i can't wait till the 20th of august. please come down to DXO to support them and local music!

got funk?

2006-07-31T01:48:00.000+08:00

i made two resolutions that concern my quality of life just this afternoon. the first one involves an old habit i stopped following some time back due to the lack of determination and time. yes, it's back to the gym! oouhh, my right lung kinda hurts. the second resolution is quite a strange one. you see, the matter at hand would never have crossed my mind; i'll explain. my coxter boyfriend of mine wants to go vegan (again) and out of sheer goodwill and erm.. love, i figured i might as well try going vegan for a change. don't worry sweetie, you didn't pressurize me into being kind to animals, i only want to help in any way i can.

it's been awhile since i've entered a jamming studio and i must say that my experience today was quite an interesting one. sometimes i regret not working hard enough to pursue my musical aspirations but when i meet individuals who come together to make music, it really warms my heart to see how great a difference music can make to a person's life. music ain't always about the trills, arpeggios or inversions, it's also about feeling, passion and that distinguishing and unique touch of style.

i never want to have to play "never say goodbye" at your funeral so please, don't visit God before me. let's do it together coz' our love could very well be an eternity i can't live without.

after the 23rd.

2006-07-24T00:25:00.000+08:00

darn, my internet connection screws up on me just when i'm in the mood to blog, as if my day wasn't bad enough. thank goodness my 21st birthday celebration cum BBQ was a success though. i admit that i informed my friends on quite a short notice but most of them turned up (with presents, heh) and i would like to say thank you very much for gracing the occasion. you guys made it a wonderful and memorable night for me. and thank you again for the lovely presents too. although i had a tiff with my parents earlier today, i guess i have to thank them for organizing this party for me. it's been a long time since i've had a proper birthday celebration.

to my significant other half (or so he claims because we aren't married - cheesy!), i couldn't be happier with you by my side. remember what we talked about yesterday? the pursuit for perfection is neverending, and quite vicious a cycle it is. but with you, you define perfection for me because baby, i'd choose you over everyone else. though sometimes you're too much of a "terrorist" and "coxter" for my liking, i'd say that those are the qualities that truly amaze yet amuse me all the time. there's so much more we haven't found out, and so much more we can achieve together as a couple. life's definitely more crazy with you and hell, i couldn't ask for more. "i'll be your water when you get thirsty, when you get drunk i'll be your wine" coz' honey, i love ya to bits. :)

a boy named steward.

2006-07-17T23:48:00.000+08:00

a little reflection here.

i was on the bus home earlier and my friend asked me for my opinion (so that i can enter the "kingdom of gods") on whether he should get attached. funny thing is.. there was once a time in my life not too long ago that i did decide that singlehood was for the better since my search for love was rather unsuccessful and least to say, hopeless. besides the obvious "being all so jaded" reason/excuse, it was truly the lack of hope that held me back. fortunately (i hope my other half feels the same too), love came in unexpected ways during times of despair.. not that i was specifically looking for love back then (that's why it was unexpected.. duh). and i'm glad this relationship and person gave me more reason to put past troubles behind.. troubles that bothered me for a long time.

we'll learn and we'll grow together and perhaps one fine day, we might end up having a certain Stewie in our lives. :)

hate it or love it.

2006-07-06T00:34:00.000+08:00

love doesn't make the world go round, money does. when we're experiencing a lack of money, we comfort ourselves by saying that money isn't the most important thing and that love is. well honestly, who cares whether money or love is the most important thing when the lack of both brings constant unhappiness?

love + no money = unhappiness
money + no love = less unhappiness

either way, the result is still unhappiness! i guess the only thing that can truly comfort me is that love can possibly conquer (almost) any difficulty if we all try hard enough. oh hard work! another pain in the ass.

it's the BFG.

2006-07-01T22:07:00.000+08:00

you know, i never thought that small eyes could make a person look so unbelievably attractive.

blood ties.

2006-06-25T21:12:00.000+08:00

how i envy friends who have close relationships with their parents. the envy i feel is not of a jealous nature, but one that could make me feel like having a fulfilling relationship with my folks would (probably) be the only thing i would regret not achieving in this lifetime. sometimes i anger my parents a tad too much and when i try to compromise and be nice to them, i think about the times in the past when they weren't there for me when i needed them most. yet, they complain that i place too much emphasis on friendship when they themselves fail to provide some sort of comfort at home. i guess the only way to overcome my personal barrier would be to forgive and put the past behind. the only thing is, how do i cultivate better communication between us when so much animosity keeps us apart ever so often?

they say that blood is thicker than water and family comes first.
somehow, i'm beginning to truly believe that things can be better in time to come.

the long wait.

2006-06-15T01:51:00.000+08:00

my friend: "you might as well shut down your blog."
me: "why?:
my friend: "when was the last time you updated?!"

okay, i admit that i'm plain lazy and face it, who actually enjoys reading the emo shite someone else is going through? even reading about unnatural attraction between a specific gender of the human species is far more exciting.

just the other day, a bunch of us went skating/cycling at east coast park. i was a first timer at skating and yes, my ass does hurt from falling down. skating sure looks easier than it really is. boy, it was tough balancing at first. after a period of falling on my butt and holding onto railings, i finally managed to skate without support for a (very) short distance. it was belittling knowing i was the only one in the group who didn't know how to skate at all but hey, i learnt something new! it's been a long while since i've relaxed at the beach and it was refreshing to have done so that evening (even though we didn't spend much time there). all the talk about careers and money was a tad depressing but that's the reason why we bother to follow the paper chase no? or the supposed reason at least. it bloody hell is difficult finding a decent part time job nowadays. what a bitch.

pardon my sudden excessive swearing (to some). maybe it's because i haven't been feeling emotionally secure for the longest time and yeah, what a trip it is figuring out just what the fuck you want. but hey, when is it ever enough? never mate, never.

choices and decisions.
obligations.

love is just another game.
with a hefty price to pay.

no more red bull.

2006-05-27T03:14:00.000+08:00

i only have one thing to say. THE FUCKING EXAMS ARE OVER.. FINALLY!
happy holidays to all who have finished their exams!

f.r.i.e.n.d.s

2006-04-26T01:04:00.000+08:00

at the end of the road, what matters most are the friends who stood by you through all the good and bad times. i love you all. :)

the aftermath.

2006-04-23T12:33:00.000+08:00

it's funny how things took a turn for the worse just when you thought everything was heading in the right direction. was it a lack of communication? or perhaps i wasn't observant enough. it's a bit to late to say that i should have done this or i should have thought about that first. maybe i let myself get blinded by my emotions too early, too soon. i should have reminded myself that men are rational creatures while women, emotional ones.

let's take it slow, you say.
no gurantees anything will happen, you say.
i don't wish to hurt you, you say.

but you did, i say.
and now, i can only hope it's not over.
even though i don't know much, it won't stop me from feeling the way i do about you.

i don't think it was "wrong" for me to place importance on feelings.
just wish you would share more about your reflection with me.

driving down the right path

2006-04-10T12:00:00.000+08:00

dear diary, it has been a strange weekend.
i spent some quality time (well, somewhat) over the past few days with my best friend because he had to enlist over the weekend. most of my male friends have already completed or are in the midst of completing national service so this is really the first time i've had to "prepare" for enlistment with someone. this may sound wussy because my bestie was actually quite concerned about serving the nation. he's not exactly the regular dude you'd meet on the streets unfortunately (and fortunately in some ways too). it's not that he's physically unfit or lacking muscularity, it's just that he's got issues that no one (and i really mean no one) can truly understand or help him with (me included). it can be really hard to get along with him sometimes, but he's the reason why i grew up in the first place. he showed me a side of life i won't get to experience, and it taught me many lessons. many a time, i wish i could walk away from the pain and torture but i don't, and won't. i meant what i said that day.. i too wish you didn't have to go through what you did, and as much as you and i know that things aren't gonna get better, i hope that at least that light at the end of the tunnel will keep you going.

what an interesting weekend i had! it's nice and refreshing to not be in the hot seat once in a while. i learnt a few tricks and realized a few things as well. i was too caught up in trying to live up the expectations of others. it's nice to really be appreciated now and then. and i'm sure things are going in the right direction.

gear 1, gear 2, gear 3! here i come!

night out @ dblO.

2006-04-02T00:18:00.000+08:00

about a month left to go before the exams begin. i'm trying my best to focus all my attention on studying. so far, it's been going relatively well.. although i've yet to master maths and ibm. but.. i shall not fail! maybe i just need to be pressurized more often. it's too fun having my clique around. why do we always end up talking about stuff we shouldn't be talking about whenever we meet up? haha.

the night out with the team and my friends was fantastic! it was scandalous beyond anything i've seen (coz' i'm not a clubber). but hey, i'm glad the outing went well and that everyone had a great time. we shall have another one after the finals! as for now.. back to training tomorrow.

it feels good being able to post something as normal as this.. been awhile.. which means.. i'm finally all right now. :)

here are some photos taken by the nightlife.sg photographer while we were @ dblO.

please visit my photo album for more pictures.

mr500!

2006-03-21T02:26:00.000+08:00

the mixed event

the men's event

our boat

paddles up!

SIM dragons!

the lovely ladies

SIM sa!

here are some snapshots taken during mr500!
please visit my photo album or www.simdragons.com for more pictures.

happier now.

2006-03-20T00:11:00.000+08:00

i have come to a conclusion that i am truly unlucky. why do i always seem to like the wrong guy for the right reasons? tsk tsk. but hey, at least i still have my best friend, who stuck with me throughout the last crazy and turbulent 2 years and he is still here for me. unfortunately or fortunately, we are bounded to each other in some strange way! i can't believe how well we know each other despite our obvious differences in personality and mindset. we may not always get along but knowing that you are there for me no matter what really warms my heart and brings a smile to my sullen face. i can truly say that you are my one and only soulmate.

may our time together be well spent. i will miss you during the next one week while you're away.

words.

2006-03-19T02:05:00.000+08:00

i have a feeling that this would be a long post.

first up is MR500. we were scheduled to meet at 11am at khatib mrt station for lunch before proceeding to yishun stadium for warm up before the race. on the night before, my dearest chairman gavin promptly informed everyone NOT TO BE LATE but instead was late himself. we had a quick lunch and dashed off to lower seletar reservoir for the race. my whole day was spent waiting around for the events to begin, snapping photos of my team members and running around to get a clear view of the race. though we didn't manage to get into the finals, i'm pretty darn sure that everyone in the race team did a very good job! it was great knowing that we broke the previous training timings. there's always room for improvement so let us soar to greater heights!

meeting him today after recieving his email was kinda strange. i felt rather weird initially but i did the right thing by not talking (often) to him throughout the whole day. it would probably be worse if i did because i'd feel like crap at the end of it all. seeing him made me realize how much more i hate being in this state, but it also reminds me of how important it is to move on from there. we are both looking for different things and unlucky as i always seem to be, i was too blinded and too dumb to realize what a fool i was from the very beginning. you led me on and caused me to be mistaken but love is hardly a game where you can win, especially when you (i) end up liking the wrong person for the right reasons. i'm fucking tired of disappointments already and in a way, i hoped that you wouldn't be one. clearly i was so wrong. someone told me that i should hold on and keep trying. but from the way i see it and the things you say to me, i don't think it would be a good idea to do so. it's too bad i'm not what you're looking for but that doesn't make me less of what i am. we are and will be friends, but for now, i can't look you in the eye and truly feel happy at all. i hope you will find what you're looking for. you gave me a sense of hope i haven't felt in such a long time and i'm grateful. but now i have to carry on walking down my path because you took a right turn and exited from it.

someday.

2006-03-17T00:22:00.000+08:00

how the hell'd we wind up like this
why weren't we able to see the signs that we missed
try to turn the tables
i wish you'd unclench your fists and unpack your suitcase
lately there's been too much of this
but don't think it's too late

nothing's wrong
just as long as you know that someday i will
someday, somehow
gonna make it alright but not right now
i know you're wondering when
you're the only one who knows that
someday, somehow
gonna make it alright but not right now
i know you're wondering when

well I'd hope that since we're here anyway
we could end up saying things we've always needed to say
so we could end up staying
now the story's played out like this
just like a paperback novel
let's rewrite an ending that fits instead of a hollywood horror

nothing's wrong
just as long as you know that someday i will
someday, somehow
gonna make it alright but not right now
i know you're wondering when
you're the only one who knows that
someday, somehow
gonna make it alright but not right now
i know you're wondering when

how the hell'd we wind up like this
why weren't we able to see the signs that we missed
try to turn the tables
now the story's played out like this
just like a paperback novel
let's rewrite an ending that fits instead of a hollywood horror

nothing's wrong
just as long as you know that someday i will
lsomeday, somehow
gonna make it alright but not right now
i know you're wondering when
you're the only one who knows that
someday, somehow
gonna make it alright but not right now
i know you're wondering when

someday - nickelback

too sudden, too soon.
someday i will make it right.
just one chance before it's too late.

(can't wait for the showdown this saturday at mr500! do your best SIMdragons!)

the show must go on.

2006-03-16T01:11:00.000+08:00

you sorted out things for me.. thank you.
but it's something i won't be in a hurry to forget.
i can't.. for now.

a short post.

2006-03-12T23:57:00.000+08:00

all i can say is.. clear my uncertainties please.
it is the least you can do for me now.

worries.

2006-03-09T01:34:00.000+08:00

i just realized that i've been blogging more often than usual this week. and since i don't blog unless i have blog-worthy material to offer (who wants to read about mundane everyday activities), it obviously means that i must be going through a difficult state of confusion, anxiety and minor depression right now. yeah, but then again.. who wants to read about how emo people can get? bleah.

recently, i've been worrying constantly about various things. an old love whom i thought wanted to move on in life without me wants to get back together because he's afraid that he'd lose me for good ever since i told him that i'm interested in someone else. my once emotional solace who could melt my heart has long departed from my life even though you're still standing right before me. so much for liking the wrong guy for the right reasons.. i think it'd be best to let me be an ice queen because it is the most i can be around you. to the one who can so easily bring a smile to my face without even being there at all.. i have a lot of doubts, but i sure hope everything will turn out fine. afterall, how could anyone ever think that a lighter could have sparked the beginning of a "scandal"? it's fascinating really.. haha.

for now, i just want to get through the exam period. *crosses fingers*

unfinished business.

2006-03-08T02:48:00.000+08:00

how many times have you told yourself never to take things for granted and regretted the times that you did? haven't we learnt enough by the "hard" way to know when to do the right things? or must we wait till it's too late to realize how much we have lost. sometimes i fail to notice the beauty in the little things around me and the little things people do for me till they're gone for good.

you wanted me to slow down and i did. now you tell me that you want to regret because i did what i thought was best for the friendship. please don't regret or feel bad.. at least we still have each other.. and isn't that what's important? i never did walk out on you.. i just left you alone because you wanted me to.

emotions.

2006-03-06T00:15:00.000+08:00

i was once a very different person who never could cherish what i had till it was too late. when i realized that i had to, and i started treasuring what was dear to me, the people around stopped caring about me and what i did. i tried many a time to hold on to what little was left and hope for the better but all i got in return was more pain, disappointment and frustration. perhaps my heart was stabbed so many times before that the feelings of hurt and rejection became all too common. slowly and unexpectingly, that sweet innocent joy i filled my heart with vaporized over the years.

when i think of love, i hardly ever think of happiness, contentment or fulfillment. these feelings were replaced with anxiety, insecurity and uncertainty. i stopped feeling happy about love, or the idea of love. instead i worry constantly about whether the other party appreciates what i'm doing. so i decided i might as well freeze my heart and be an ice queen. it is what i have been for so long that when someone comes along and manages to melt that stoned cold heart of mine, i become all too eager to please. perhaps the adrealine rush excites me.. perhaps it is the feeling of new hope that does. but then i worry that i'm too pushy and that i would make mistakes, and the worrying just won't stop. i'd be wondering what he'd think of me, i'd be wondering whether i'm doing the right thing, i'd be wondering why i'm wondering so much when i really don't have to. i feel reluctant about being direct but yet, i yearn so much to know the truth. and yes, i worry that the truth wouldn't be easy to swallow.

if you made my heart melt, but you let it freeze again, i'm sorry to say that it'd would take much more than just a fire to warm up the ice queen. sad as it seems.. she doesn't want to be an ice queen. all she wants is to love.. and to be loved in return. i just want you to hold my hand and walk with me side by side because that's all i really need.

speechless.

2006-03-02T01:48:00.000+08:00

it was my first time..
i sat on a bike (as in motorbike) today.
wow.

thanks to J.C. :)

the sunset.

2006-02-26T01:19:00.000+08:00

though my body is yearning for some serious rest, i am nonetheless determined to update my blog.

i'm sure many of you have heard of the website wholivesnearyou, some might even have a membership with the site. i've always known about this website but i never really bothered to join it even though my friends have bombarded my email with tons of "please join" messages. then came one fine day when i finally decided to join out of sheer boredom and curiousity. i never knew people in the neighbourhood actually bothered to meet up! bless them. my decision paid off because i made new friends (really nice people) and it actually warmed my heart knowing the peeps in my neighbourhood come together like one whole big family.

the events of the past week made me realize that life could take a turn down the path of destruction and sadness when you least expect it. perhaps i hoped for too much because i was so sure that it would work out. and perhaps i jumped right into it because i felt less jaded just for awhile. i hate to have to contemplate every so often because it really does take a toll on my already weak emotional and mental strength. more importantly, i haven't quite figured out what would bring me contentment at the moment and it is rather frustrating. i wish i didn't have to answer to anyone but myself. i'm so tired of having to live up to the expectations of others. i just hope that i will make the right choices in the future because i don't want to make life miserable for anyone. i'm tired from thinking.. but the consequences of walking away will haunt me someday. nevertheless, i'm glad i saw sunlight when i awoke from darkness just that one time.

messy thoughts.

2006-02-19T01:50:00.000+08:00

when i was 16, i dreamt about what life would be like as a uni student. now that i'm an undergraduate, thinking back about how i was like really puts me in a dilemma of whether to laugh or cry about the past. life at 16 is so different from life at 20. i underwent a major personality and mindset change in just a mere difference of 4 years. i was selfish, immature and arrogant. now, i'm less selfish, immature and arrogant. man, i was such a bitch. i'm proud to say that i'm less of a bitch now. it's amazing how much i have toned down over the years and how much i have grown. i guess i grew out of that dumb teenage phase. i never thought of myself as being a likable person. i've always thought that people hated me one way or another. or perhaps i never really believed in my abilities and talents. maybe i was afraid to embrace the person that i was.. the person that i am.

i'm 21 this year but i feel so much older than that. waking up each day is such a chore. i keep asking myself why i find my life so uninteresting at times. i guess you could say that i feel old.. and frankly, i don't want to feel this way. i want to be young again.. i want to be youthful. i want to wake up each morning and smile and feel happy because i know the day will turn out just fine.

and then i wonder about the choices i make in life. are they right? are the wrong? i don't know for sure, but what i do know is that whatever choices i made seemed the best at that point in time. and the big question mark about this weird thing called fate. is fate simply an unknown factor in your life or does it determine how your life will turn out to be? the future is a scary thing because you can't predict it. but death is more because you have to prepare for your inevitable ending.

feb issue.

2006-02-03T23:27:00.000+08:00

almost a month gone! cny's over and everything. this year wasn't much different from the last. i guess the magic of cny has faded because my cousins and i have grown older. not as exciting or fun as before huh. it's a pity too because we hardly ever meet up and i suppose it's going to get even harder as we advance in age. but like what wan-tsin mentioned.. we have got to take a nice family photo. it's been a long long while since we did. it sure brings back warm memories of a carefree childhood!

exams are 'round the corner and i'm still pretty much stuck in a shitehole. i've.. got.. to.. get.. outta.. it.. soon. haha. the pressure is killing me!

after playing CS with my friends today, i finally resign my fate to be just a spectator and not a player coz' i totally suck! well.. i don't think i did that badly, but bad enough i guess. CMI! (cannot make it). haha. guess i'll have to practise more. and qibin.. if you're reading this.. don't you dare say anything about your stupid godly skills. hmph!

all right, i've got to head to dreamland.

does being different mean you're a loser?

2006-01-08T20:00:00.000+08:00

do people become less adventurous and more boring as they grow older?

somehow i find myself turning into a hermit crab as time slips by. i used to be louder, more crazy and quite full of shite really.. but i realized that i've toned down over the past three years or so. perhaps all the emotional trauma has finally taken its toll on me and changed my character and mindset in eventuality. i wouldn't say that i'm old (still twenty) but i'm definitely not a teen anymore. i have noticed, however, that people my age at school are more happy-go-lucky and well.. more vibrant? i know i'm not a happy-go-lucky kinda person, and i'll never be one. and yes.. i have become more serious over the years. simply put, as others have told me before, i'm untypical. of course i am rather pleased about people complimenting me this way but i'm not that kind who would boast either. i read military books, play arcade and weight-lift.. does that make me different or a loser? there are many interpretations of my behaviour. does dining at expensive restaurants and shopping at LV mean that you're a winner? hey, just because i don't wear make-up all the time or have a sickly sweet voice doesn't mean that i'm less beautiful than other girls. afterall, it's inner beauty that matters more than what you look like on the outside.

some people look down on nerds. from what i've learnt from the movie revenge of the nerds, their difference in appearance does not equate to them being losers or them being unable to feel and love less than the rest of us. remember that they're a hell lot smarter than a whole bunch of people too. haha.

i'm just glad that i'm still surviving. and like what my friend told me once.. as long as you're alive, you're still capable of change.

say hello to a new year.

2005-12-29T16:47:00.000+08:00

firstly, i hope everyone had a good christmas weekend. the new year is about to begin. made any new year resolutions yet? i understand that it can be really hard to give up your vices and be a changed person but somehow we’ve all got to try. funny how time can seem like a blessing sometimes but also an irritant. and since i’m writing this while i’m at work, time is boring me. haha.

i wasn’t looking forward to my holiday trip to szechuan, china because it’s presently winter (brrr) and the only highlight of the trip would be the scenery. but i guess the trip wasn’t that bad afterall. the scenery was of course good and thankfully the weather wasn’t a killer too. my holiday in beijing two years ago was worse. this time i only fell sick on the last day and had minor cold rash. the food there is, as everyone knows, dirt cheap. unfortunately there wasn’t much to buy. mainly winter clothing etc. i got some szechuan beef jerky though. haha. there were a few funny things that happened though. during one of the nights at some crappy mountainous hotel, we experienced two blackouts. the hotel management must have forgotten to pay the bills on time. lol. the morning calls were pretty hilarious as well. one of the morning call messages went like this: “hello! it is time for you to get up!” i couldn’t help but laugh when i heard that at 630 a.m. in the morning even though i was dead sleepy.

the exams are finally arriving. i have to do well.. i have to do well.. ha.

lastly, happy new year! let 2006 bring us more unforgettable moments and experiences. :)

it's that time of the year.

2005-12-17T14:04:00.000+08:00

15/12/2005 - chinablack.
18/12/2005 to 25/12/2005 - holiday in china.

what's up with china man?
cheers! happy holidays! :)

numa numa.

2005-12-08T23:12:00.000+08:00

it's been almost a month since i last posted something. let's start off on a positive note shall we? for those who have watched chicken little (or at least seen the trailer) would know of the numa numa song. anyways, the original title of the song is dragostea din tei, performed by a romanian band called ozone. check out http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/206373 for a video of some dude singing this song. haha.

i was thinking of writing something serious for this post, but then i decided not to. there's so much pent up frustration, anger and sadness inside of me. for once.. i'm just gonna fuck it. it'd be better for me not to mention names here anyway. sorry was never enough for you and me. things got blurry, and you escaped. forgive and forget i will not.. for now at least. you'd be glad to know that i am moving on fine. but unlike you, my final decision was to do what was right and not what was easy.

my only goal is not to disappoint the ones i love anymore.

my thoughts for today.

2005-11-15T16:28:00.000+08:00

it just occurred to me that i'm that hopeless at music. although i do somewhat regret my decision to quit piano once and for all, i must say that i've definitely felt less stressed since i stopped playing the keyboard. my two younger sisters are rather accomplished in violin. one's already a diploma holder, and the other, grade 8. and mind you, they can't even watch NC16 movies at the cinemas. haha. but hell, i still love music anyway.

today's sociology test was actually kinda tough. i don't think i would be able to do well, but i hope i can at least pass it. though i managed to read through my notes and revised quite a bit, i guess i was just too tired to think properly this morning. well, what i'm saying is.. i could have done better. but dang! why do we always wait till it's over to say that? haha.

i have half an hour to decide whether i should hit the gym later. feeling kinda sleepy. hmm..

another day.

2005-11-08T23:43:00.000+08:00

i'm sure you've probably read about the recent controversy about xiaxue's take on handicapped toilets. honestly, i think it's a bloody waste of time even debating about this subject! most people who aren't handicapped still use the handicapped toilets anyway, but surely you'll let someone who really is handicapped use the handicapped toilet right? yes i agree that people can be inconsiderate but since singaporeans care so much about 'face', i think they'd probably do the right thing in the end.. so wth man.

this brings me to the topic of complaining. singaporeans love to complain and bitch. even i bitch too! but i don't bitch about stupid things like handicapped toilets or even not allowing dogs into taxis. singapore is a cosmopolitan city and i guess we have to give and take and adapt our way of life to the culture of the society we live in.

singapore isn't a perfect place to live in. it's stressful, high cost and filled mostly with bloody inconsiderate and rude and relatively conservative people. but hey, it's a modern city that's filled with vibrance, opportunities (lol, i sound like some government advertisement) and loads of good food! :)

objectives.

2005-10-31T16:47:00.000+08:00

have you thought about what you want to do after you're done with school? do we just study for the sake of studying because following the paper chase is more important than following your passion or interests? is it such a big deal that you can earn more money than your friends? would you rather study what you're interested in or what will enable you to earn more than others? sigh, depressing to think that life in Singapore is all about survival of the fittest.

i think it's a pity sometimes that we get so caught up in today's way of doing things that we neglect the other aspects of our lives, such as family. i wonder how many of us are actually close to our parents.. i know i'm not that close.. which is a shame, but oh well, you can't change the past. thankfully, i still have my sisters.

beauty.

2005-10-26T23:51:00.000+08:00

what does the word beautiful mean to you? nice eyes, big boobs and long legs / tall, dark, handsome? i'm sure that there's gotta be at least one time in your life where your friends or family have told you that you are beautiful or unique in your own way. if so, why are so many people still so dissatisfied with the way they look? to me, beauty is skin-deep. but beauty is also how you carry yourself. there's no need for plastic surgery and crazy dieting (the newspapers are full of slimming ads), what really counts is how you look at yourself and not how others do.

let me tell you a little story. almost a year ago, i realized that i had put on quite a bit of weight. my friends and family hinted to me that i needed to do something about my weight. it was then that my good friend and i decided to embark on a weight-loss journey. i started going to the gym not just to run, but also to lift weights. through a lot of hard work and determination, i've lost about 9 to 10kg in total. my friend and i stood by each other and encouraged one another not to give up. although i have yet to achieve my ideal weight and i don't have a completely flat tummy, i will continue to work hard (sadly, i've slackened a little over the past few weeks) to reach my goal.

i admit that i don't have a perfect figure, neither do i have flawless skin or an ample chest. but when i look at myself in the mirror everyday, the person smiling back at me is one who got back her self confidence and it's all that truly matters.

porntipa.

2005-10-25T20:17:00.000+08:00

if you're wondering who or what porntipa is (don't get your hopes up, it's not porn), it is actually my sociology lecturer. but, she's not the main topic of my post. what i'm really gonna write about is on the subject she teaches; sociology.

after today's lesson on karl marx, it got me thinking. will revolution really benefit society and bring about stability? communism seemed so perfect for the working class during the age of industrialization. there was inequality between the working and upper classes. the amount of political and economic power the upper class possessed completely controlled the people of working class. capitialism created a huge gap between the social classes, allowing the upper class to constantly exploit the workers. in a profit-oriented society, making money was (and still is) the main driving force behind the economy. karl marx believed that communism was the way to go to bring stability to the society and economy and equality to the working class. he predicted that every country would soon adopt communism, but he was so wrong. it is funny how capitalism not only survived, but flourished. many countries have since adopted the capitalist approach because fortunately, or unfortunately, people nowadays are either born into a capitalist society or have been socialized into one.

a post from my previous blog.

2005-10-25T18:45:00.000+08:00

since i have officially closed my previous blog, i shall start my new one with the most recent post from my old blog.

rules and more rules
one major setback about living in singapore are the strict (and fucked up) rules and regulations.first they introduced the horrible digusting pictures of diseased throats, lungs, hearts, babies on cigerette boxes. then, the prices of fags skyrocketted. now, people aren't allowed to smoke at bus shelters, interchanges, community clubs, open-air stadiums and public toilets and pools. those who do not conform will be fined a hefty S$200! that is just WHAT THE FUCK man. the ban will be extended to coffee shops, open-air restaurants and hawker centres next july, and to entertainment outlets the year after that. patrons will only be allowed to puff only in designated smoking corners or rooms at these establishments.

gosh.mel! you can't smoke at kopitiams! lol.

mel, you bitch king.
aaron, the tall dude.
ben, the 'married father'.
firly, the nice guy.
safie, the blur fella.
dewie, da pimp!
agnes, my DBIT mate.
hafiz, the guai looking one.