though my body is yearning for some serious rest, i am nonetheless determined to update my blog.

i'm sure many of you have heard of the website wholivesnearyou, some might even have a membership with the site. i've always known about this website but i never really bothered to join it even though my friends have bombarded my email with tons of "please join" messages. then came one fine day when i finally decided to join out of sheer boredom and curiousity. i never knew people in the neighbourhood actually bothered to meet up! bless them. my decision paid off because i made new friends (really nice people) and it actually warmed my heart knowing the peeps in my neighbourhood come together like one whole big family.

the events of the past week made me realize that life could take a turn down the path of destruction and sadness when you least expect it. perhaps i hoped for too much because i was so sure that it would work out. and perhaps i jumped right into it because i felt less jaded just for awhile. i hate to have to contemplate every so often because it really does take a toll on my already weak emotional and mental strength. more importantly, i haven't quite figured out what would bring me contentment at the moment and it is rather frustrating. i wish i didn't have to answer to anyone but myself. i'm so tired of having to live up to the expectations of others. i just hope that i will make the right choices in the future because i don't want to make life miserable for anyone. i'm tired from thinking.. but the consequences of walking away will haunt me someday. nevertheless, i'm glad i saw sunlight when i awoke from darkness just that one time.
when i was 16, i dreamt about what life would be like as a uni student. now that i'm an undergraduate, thinking back about how i was like really puts me in a dilemma of whether to laugh or cry about the past. life at 16 is so different from life at 20. i underwent a major personality and mindset change in just a mere difference of 4 years. i was selfish, immature and arrogant. now, i'm less selfish, immature and arrogant. man, i was such a bitch. i'm proud to say that i'm less of a bitch now. it's amazing how much i have toned down over the years and how much i have grown. i guess i grew out of that dumb teenage phase. i never thought of myself as being a likable person. i've always thought that people hated me one way or another. or perhaps i never really believed in my abilities and talents. maybe i was afraid to embrace the person that i was.. the person that i am.

i'm 21 this year but i feel so much older than that. waking up each day is such a chore. i keep asking myself why i find my life so uninteresting at times. i guess you could say that i feel old.. and frankly, i don't want to feel this way. i want to be young again.. i want to be youthful. i want to wake up each morning and smile and feel happy because i know the day will turn out just fine.

and then i wonder about the choices i make in life. are they right? are the wrong? i don't know for sure, but what i do know is that whatever choices i made seemed the best at that point in time. and the big question mark about this weird thing called fate. is fate simply an unknown factor in your life or does it determine how your life will turn out to be? the future is a scary thing because you can't predict it. but death is more because you have to prepare for your inevitable ending.
almost a month gone! cny's over and everything. this year wasn't much different from the last. i guess the magic of cny has faded because my cousins and i have grown older. not as exciting or fun as before huh. it's a pity too because we hardly ever meet up and i suppose it's going to get even harder as we advance in age. but like what wan-tsin mentioned.. we have got to take a nice family photo. it's been a long long while since we did. it sure brings back warm memories of a carefree childhood!

exams are 'round the corner and i'm still pretty much stuck in a shitehole. i've.. got.. to.. get.. outta.. it.. soon. haha. the pressure is killing me!

after playing CS with my friends today, i finally resign my fate to be just a spectator and not a player coz' i totally suck! well.. i don't think i did that badly, but bad enough i guess. CMI! (cannot make it). haha. guess i'll have to practise more. and qibin.. if you're reading this.. don't you dare say anything about your stupid godly skills. hmph!

all right, i've got to head to dreamland.

though my body is yearning for some serious rest, i am nonetheless determined to update my blog.

i'm sure many of you have heard of the website wholivesnearyou, some might even have a membership with the site. i've always known about this website but i never really bothered to join it even though my friends have bombarded my email with tons of "please join" messages. then came one fine day when i finally decided to join out of sheer boredom and curiousity. i never knew people in the neighbourhood actually bothered to meet up! bless them. my decision paid off because i made new friends (really nice people) and it actually warmed my heart knowing the peeps in my neighbourhood come together like one whole big family.

the events of the past week made me realize that life could take a turn down the path of destruction and sadness when you least expect it. perhaps i hoped for too much because i was so sure that it would work out. and perhaps i jumped right into it because i felt less jaded just for awhile. i hate to have to contemplate every so often because it really does take a toll on my already weak emotional and mental strength. more importantly, i haven't quite figured out what would bring me contentment at the moment and it is rather frustrating. i wish i didn't have to answer to anyone but myself. i'm so tired of having to live up to the expectations of others. i just hope that i will make the right choices in the future because i don't want to make life miserable for anyone. i'm tired from thinking.. but the consequences of walking away will haunt me someday. nevertheless, i'm glad i saw sunlight when i awoke from darkness just that one time.